Decisions, decisions, decision. Oh how we all love to make them. Make, make, make decisions. I HATE making decisions. I am probably one of the worst decisions makers in the world. I just can’t cope with choice. Most of the time I would like someone to say: “Dina, this one?” And I could just go: “Yes! Brilliant.” BUT, that doesn’t really happen that often.
When I was younger I would try and just ignore decision making. Just try and wait, maybe the decision will make itself or the force will come round and solve the problem for me. May it be with me. But there comes a time in every girl’s life, when she thinks to herself: Ok, right, hiding and running might not be the best method to decide where I should study or live or which number to pick from the take away menu. So I tried to establish a system. My system has many names: Over-thinking, worrying, basically going mental. At the end of the process I usually do what my first thought told me anyway but am mentally exhausted. So why do I put myself through this – it’s crazy!
We have heard of all sorts of adventurous decision making tactics like throwing dice for example. This ended up in the man killing someone. Not so good. Another one: Saying “yes” to everything. Jim Carrey running round like a lunatic on speed. Again, not for me. I hadn’t developed a better method than the one I mentioned above when it came to deciding whether or not to move to England. I was given three weeks to make a choice. I knew I wanted to go, but once someone had actually offered me the job and it was all getting closer the worrying started. Leaving everyone behind, especially my brother, that wasn’t easy. But I knew it would be the right thing to do. And it was. I am grateful for the opportunity of starting a new life, depending only on myself and clearing my head to move on to better things. As you might have read in a previous entry it has also brought me closer to my home country which is truly great.
The next tough one was deciding about my place of study. Germany or England. Both places had their advantages and disadvantages. Committing myself to three years abroad was different to simply working here as I could have quit work anytime. Somehow I knew it would be best for me to study here and it was. I love my course and have met fabulous people. To tell my brother was one of the hardest things I have done in my oh so long life (22 in 5 days, argh.). I also now, feel “ready” to go back home, when I have finished my course. That feels incredible.
I now remember my colleague telling me about a book in which the author describes a study about his own decisions. He notes that decisions he has made by just following his intuition have been the better ones throughout and made him happier along the way. Looking at decisions I made in the past I can confirm that. I KNEW what was right but it didn’t feel to be a grown-up decision if I didn’t think about it properly and didn’t weigh up all the pros and cons. I will from now on try to listen to my intuition more often and stop worrying so much. Because as someone once said to me: “Worrying is not productive. Be concerned if there is a true problem and find a solution, one issue at a time.”
Very wise and true.
(Note to self: Intuitional decision making is NOT acceptable in shall-I-get-a-McDonalds-before-I-go-home-situations.)